Self-esteem is a belief about yourself which results from emotional states such as pride, respect, despair and shame. High self-esteem will facilitate you to lead a good life. So, I hope you know what kind of life a person with low self-esteem will live. Today let me share about how to identify reasons of low-self esteem, how to cope with people who triggers you to feel demotivated about yourself, breaking down the stigma, gaining confidence and restart a fresh life.
Please answer these questions below (Don’t afraid to write down; no one knows)
- What makes you to feel bad about yourself? (write ALL) Example: I hate wearing new outfits.
- What are the incidents made you to feel in such way? Example: My siblings bullied me that I don’t look good in any outfit; my dad’s clothes will be perfect for me
The questions above will help you to find out the root cause of your low self-esteem. Now, you don’t need to entertain whoever put you into a situation where you no longer feel great about yourself. Now don’t get me wrong. ‘Okay how if they are my parents, relatives, friends or even my manager?’ Still don’t care because they are not in your shoes. Its time to know about people around you. Do not complicate yourself by thinking about what is their intention. Just think how it is going to effect you. For example, when you are going for a date and your married cousin said to be careful and consider your commitment first or make sure that your girlfriend last long, how will you feel at that moment? Definitely nervous and unpleasant. But, his wife is not your girlfriend right? So, what is the big deal here? Do you want to argue with him that your girlfriend is totally an unique character. Oh come on dude, situations might same but everyone are unique. Those people became judgmental because they might meet 50 people with same problems and unfortunately majority of them made the same decisions. So, it doesn’t mean that you will be the same too. If anyone is advising just don’t take it personal. Just reply with an ‘Okay’ then move from the place. Reacting too fast will leave scar in you.
We all have a stigma resulted from an untold story. You might don’t feel confident about your lifestyle, appearance, social life or career. Whatever it is remove the negativity. You don’t 100% need to transfer from your college or office, no need to avoid your friends and relatives. Just remove the negative mindset. The best way to start is journaling. Journaling is more too writing a diary. I only write journals when I feel extremely sad and depressed. Some will write journal consistently. But, if you are a beginner, please do it when you are extremely sad, worried or depressed. Write whatever is in your mind. Once you are done, you’ll feel better. Then, started to notice things around you. Change something that makes you uncomfortable. Normally, I will declutter 5 items from my room. If you wish, you can clean your whole room. Your private space is very important. Your room’s condition will effect your mind. Maybe those feelings gone unnoticed. But, trust me one day you will feel empty and useless. A clean canvas is required to start a beautiful drawing. Always remember, you are the sum of what you are putting. You are putting a negative mindset and feeling, even a food, even a restless day into yourself whenever you don’t have self-esteem.
If everything are wrong and you can’t change all suddenly, transform step by step. STOP reacting too fast for unnecessary people’s opinions and suggestons. Practice for at least a month. The next month add up one more, keep private space clean. For example do your bed, change the curtains, rearrange the furniture. The following month add up one more habit, do a healthy meal prep. Gradually, make effort. In this case, I wrote down everything that I love to do and wish to do. You can start writing now.
At this point do not think about whether you can achieve it or not. Look at the list and you will know how many responsibilities you have now. Do you still think that you are not worth as how others think? I hope the answer should be ‘NO’. Handling self esteem is all about knowing your self worth and start focusing on yourself. How do you start focusing on yourself? One trick that I always use is 80:20 technique. I focus 80% on myself. I put more effort for developing myself. See self development is not about asking your flaws from others and changing it. It’s about listening to your intuition and doing what makes you feel the happiest. The 20% is for people around me. I just take everyone’s words as their perception only. Because I know what will suits me the best. So, I will not react to people. The more easiest way to keep you in track is the WDEP System. This system is from Reality Therapy. This system is used for the establishment of fair, firm and friendly atmosphere.
- W: What YOU want?
- D: What are you doing to achieve it?
- E: evaluation. Is what you are doing helping with what you want?
- P: Plan
Remember, when I said YOU; its only YOU! Your perspective are your world. Making yourself more comfortable and happier is more important to make your parents proud. So, you don’t need to sacrifice your confidence for it. Be consistent in trying all these tips and you’ll have the highest self esteem. Please comment if you have any other questions. Thank you
MANSIGAUH 
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