BEAUTY STANDARDS LEADS TO STEREOTYPES AND BODY SHAMING IN MALAYSIA

Body shaming is basically giving inappropriate statements or attitudes towards someone’s weight or size. Although plus size person is going through body shaming, this issue didn’t start just for overweight girls. The main reason or root cause of body shaming is came from a beauty standard. Of course Asian looks different from westerners. Facial features and other aspects vary from regions. Today is only about being a girl who doesn’t fit in beauty standard in Malaysia.

Standardized concepts in terms of outer appearance is what we call beauty standards. Beauty standards started as a tool to select the best person in a beauty pageant all around the world. For example, girl who’s sizes are 32,28,32, with particular skin tone, particular thickness of hair and height more than 5’5 is an ideal requirement to join modelling or any other beauty pageant. The reason of coming up with the idea is to make the process of selection easier. Moreover, one important reason behind this is to introduce and promote cosmetics by these models or maybe the winner.

Fair and Lovely commercial video

The video above is an ad acted by Aishwarya Rai Bachchan who won miss world pageant in 1994. I hope many Asians know that Indians are obsessed with fair skin; the more the white your skin the more the beautiful you are in India. Just think, when the whole community started to celebrate the winner as a representative of their country, isn’t it lead to stereotypes? Briefly, stereotypes is a permanent perception towards a group of people or permanent generalization towards others. Young girls or ladies think ‘I must use this in order to be pretty as Aishwarya’. If failed to do so they will feel that they are complete disaster. People with stereotype will be so judgemental. Their expectation is only expecting everyone to be same.

Body shaming is a continuation of the scenario above. There are many people in Malaysia think plus size women are probably at their 40’s. It happened to me trice. When I went to restaurant with my friend, one of her friend really thought I’m her mother. Motherhood is the most stunning look a female get. But, what made him to think like that was my weight. My bare face (without makeup) and simple outfit compliments my weight and it literally make me look old. Luckily, my friend said that I’m not her mother and I’m just 19. He was shocked because he might thought teens should be stunning as the Instagram models for 24 hours.

I mean what do you expect me to look if I’m going to a restaurant which is just 5 minutes walking distance from my hostel? The second time also one of her Facebook friend met her and he addressed me by ‘aunty’. I have done many social experiments in shopping malls. The sales girls simply avoided me whenever I go without makeup; will be too sweet to me if I go with makeup. I still remember, I went to buy books at Subang Parade, and one girl was standing outside the bookstore with some pamphlets. She hurried towards me and talked about the facial services they offer. I said “No thanks” and she keep on talking and said “you will look younger”. I asked her “So, am I looking old? I’m just 20, It’s okay; thank you btw”.

I’m not obese. But, according to Malaysian beauty standard, I must be skinny. You might heard that many said men lose interest on wives because females are no longer attractive after their marriage. This is one of the overgeneralization that contributes to judge young females with their weight. I like to experiment with my body. Sometimes I work with it to get more chubby and sometimes I do lose weight. But many girls out there are suffering from overweight because of genes. I often see some parents feed more to their skinny child and don’t feed much their chubby kid in many restaurants. It’s abuse! Emotionally a child get disturbed. Pregnant ladies don’t eat much because they afraid that their baby will be overweight. Come on, it’s self-starving!

So, what is the solution?

All we can do is stop expecting by chasing most perfect person for you.

It might sounds so creepy but that is the only way.

Many share posts regarding body shaming with captions such as ‘I’ll respect you no matter how the person look’. Do you (guys & girls) have the guts to date someone who is overweight? Or will you spend your time discussing “she looks like an aunty now, will she finish all the food in the restaurant?”, “omg people might tell that I’m his daughter, will my friends troll me?”, ” how if my friends say this is a child marriage he looks so fat” ?

Guys who don’t ever liked my pictures in Facebook when I was in high school, liking my pictures after I went for my internship. So, I need to be in a position where people forget about how I look.

Still have trust issues with the seriousness of body shaming? Let me share some screenshots

Thank you.

Get to Know How Amazing You are! (knowing your self-worth)

A spirit that helps us to believe that we are capable to be an outstanding person within our peers and society. If you are reading this, you will identify your worth, increase your self- confidence and will work on your self-development which is essential for a successful life. Do everyone have self worth? YES! If you have any positive character then you have self-worth.

Unfortunately, only one or few is not enough at all. Loving yourself is a sign of self-worth. But are you hating others? Do you love appreciation? STOP THESE! These are the sign of insecurity. Explore more about yourself. In this case, I did a SWOT analysis alone. I wrote my strengths, weaknesses, opportunities that I can grab to overcome my weaknesses (first priority), opportunities that I can get to enhance my strengths (second) and possible threats that I will face during all this (ex: getting insulted by friends). This analysis helped me to enhance my self-worth.

If you read my previous post : https://glowinthedarklife.wordpress.com/2019/01/31/how-to-handle-low-self-esteem/

You will know how to use WDEP System to overcome any dissatisfaction on yourself. Remember, if you want to be respected, respect yourself; people who doesn’t have a self-worth are not deserve to get respect from others.

Then, do not listen to others opinion. You might think how will you become better without anyone’s help but trust me. They are not into your shoe. Self-control is the main rule of having self-worth. Know yourself than anyone else. Track your feelings, track your thoughts and behavior. I love compare the version of myself then and now. I don’t compare myself to anyone else. If you do this, you don’t need to listen anyone’s opinion on your personal issues. Keep in mind that YOU is not a business that require everyone’s feedback for better service.

This is the way to discover self-worth. Try it out and get to know how amazing you are.

Thank you

STUPID Will ‘IGNORE’

Do you think your happiness is fading away because of people around you? Then, you are definitely influenced by negative people. Negative people are someone who is in lack of acceptance. They just can’t accept your flaws. So how you are going to cope with them? Ignore? From my perception ignoring is a bullshit. Trust me when I was 14 years old I’ve struggled a lot with negative people. Ignored them but I didn’t feel good about my decision. At one point, I can sense that I’m losing my self-confidence. I decided to find a better way because I’m way too confident and that’s what makes me unique.

So, if you read my previous post: https://glowinthedarklife.wordpress.com/2019/01/31/how-to-handle-low-self-esteem/?preview=true

I’ve mentioned about 80:20 technique. This is what I’m going to share in detail today. We always heard of ‘BE STRONG’, ‘BE STRONG’ all over the internet. Have you wonder ‘how the hell can I get stronger?’ The answers are here

⬇️

Focusing on yourself will give power to yourself. No one is dare enough to say a word if you didn’t allow them. Can you get it? When you are more focused on yourself, you know who you are, what you are going to do and what do you really need. So, no one can influence you.

In more precise way, I can say to change your belief system. You are always the sum of what you are putting into yourself. If you are someone who seems for attention, it might be the toughest task for you. But, do not give up. I’ll feel that most of the girls will struggle for sure. Because, they love compliments. If they dye their hair, or their acnes are gone, if they got brighter complexion, when they changed their accessories, bought new clothes, or new nail polish they always want someone to notice them and compliments them. Now my question is why do you need recognizance from others? The most irritating answer that I can get is ‘because I love, now why you apply makeup?’. See I’m not going out with a thick layer of foundation everyday.

I can seriously differentiate between normal person and an insecured person. If you can’t step away from your house without a pinch of face powder, or can’t take a selfie without a mascara or any cosmetics shows that you have insecurity. You are worrying about people. You are afraid of being neglected.

1 minute trick is the one I’m still doing. 1 minute trick is well known among the Japanese to overcome laziness. But, I used the same trick to start a new habit too. Normally, negative people, will comment about your activities, behavior, your decisions. If nothing works, then they’ll start commenting about your appearance. One behavior of mine that everyone criticize is I’m a short tempered person. I’m a very formal person which makes me unfit into a group of people. People at my age group hate me to the core. So, when I have ridiculous experience with someone I’ll stay calm for a minute. Just 1 Minute! Do not react automatically. When time passes, I found more appropriate way to say ‘NO’.

A lot of teens misunderstood that you should say ‘YES’ for everything to avoid negative people. It’s too dramatic girl; come on don’t be a drama queen. You should be proactive. Before setting a goal, set a value; a life principle to yourself. For me, I’M THE KING OF MY LIFE. I didn’t even mention queen. Because I was surrounded by girls who are mentally weak. Weak girls have insecurity, don’t have courtesy which is more to common sense, don’t have acceptance and have jealousy. These types of people can’t accept what they have, they always want to have whatever doesn’t belongs to them.

Having a value changed my mindset to be more cautious, to think long distance and one more important think is self control. Self control determines wether do you want to get emotional on others opinion or do you feel silly about his or her ignorance about courtesy? Having a long distance thinking is not about having a plan till you die. It’s about decision making skills which doesn’t mess up anything at anytime.

Now go back to the 1 minute technique. Spend a minute to appreciate your bare face. I do this everyday. I love to smile looking at my bare face. My skin is full of flaw. But, it’s belongs to me and I should love it. I’m a person who doesn’t fit into any stereotypical beauty standards. So, everything is hard for me. According to the society, I can’t simply buy an eyeshadow, I can’t have many colors in my wardrobe. In reality I love colors, I love unique styles. I changed the entire belief system. I believe everything suit me it just how I make them work well on me.

On the whole, focusing on myself leads to self management.

Quick list ↩️

1. 80:20

2. Belief system

3. Self control

4. Long distance thinking

5. Value or principle

6. Proactive

7. 1 minute trick

Be a person who cannot be influenced by any but can be inspired to many! Thank you

Monday Motivation

Motivation is having a reason to achieve what we aimed or desired. According to McCelland’s book The Achieving Society (1961), David McCelland identified 3 motivators which is a need for achievement, a need for affiliation and a need for power. These are the motivator that we all have. These are the reason for me to get inspired to start yoga. Yes! I’m going to share my own experience as usual.

Before I go further about the theory, I would like to share the incidents that drives me into to find my needs. I am not living with my family since 2017 June for some personal reasons. My family members didn’t encourage me to have friends from my childhood. So, this scenario makes me to always stay in surface. Example, school friends are only at school; I don’t know anything else except what they are sharing to me in school.

So, I hardly build a social life after I’ve separated from my family. But, I do started to hangout with two of my course mates. I was happy with these girls, planned for outing, have done group studies and always discuss about future. But, I still felt lonely and depressed. At first, I don’t know why I can’t overcome my depression. I was helpless and seek my classmates help for recovery.

I made use of therapy sessions. Yes! I was studying diploma in counseling and we are given a task to practice any therapy with classmates. So, my classmate did expressive art therapy. I seriously can’t control my tears. I didn’t expected I will react in such way. I didn’t know the depth of my depression until the moment I cried. From that incident, I planned to recover.

I thought behaving as how I behaved on 2015/2016 will help me to overcome my depression. I failed because I didn’t remember any of my traits or principles to insist in my mind. Unfortunately, I didn’t have friends to help. I don’t think my school friends remember how I were last time. Because, I strongly believe that no one can understand me. Therefore, I started to focus on my behaviors to modify.

I literally wasted my 2years of diploma life and I only have 2 semesters left. I started to put more effort in being discipline. I lost interest in studies because of my depression. But, I tried attending classes everyday. I make sure that I understand the main concept of each lecture. That time, obtaining A is not in my mind at all. I just want to be a consistent and proactive. I set a reward system for each try.

Finally, I achieved 100% attendance and went to practicum for a primary school. My goal to be a discipline person enhanced when I was doing my practicum. I see myself as the same person few years back. I started to explore myself and keep a track on my emotions and interests. This reminded me that I was someone who had a healthy life. so, I have started with my previous routine. I started to love myself more and made myself as the main priority.

I learned yoga when I was 14 year old. I continue again with my yoga routine. I am struggling because of zero flexibility. But, I have seen some benefits of yoga which I shared as my first post : https://glowinthedarklife.wordpress.com/2019/01/16/yoga-for-beginners-honest-update/ Now, my entire routine is changed from nothing to something. I love reading from my childhood; upgraded the habit of reading to an author of this blog.

On the whole, I have need for achievement based of McCelland’s book. Find which suits you! I know that many can’t relate my story with yours. But, I have given some information about motivation and reward system. I hope these information can be applied in your life too. Thank you