What Has Made a Really Big Change in My Life?

There is a turning point in everyone’s life. Being an independent girl from my childhood doesn’t make me to realise anything. I always think that I am far away better than any other girl. But, one thing made me to realise that just because I’m an independent girl doesn’t mean I know how to value everything.

6th August 2018 was the turning point. I started my practicum journey on 6th August 2018. I’ve placed as a trainee counselor/ practical counseling teacher in a primary school. Being a student was very fun. Despite all the issues among friends it was really amazing.

My experience as a trainee counselor was not as bad as how I expected. I have an assumption from my lecturers opinion that my job is a restless job. But, seriously, I don’t think in such way. Of course, the first week was a honeymoon phase where I’m getting to know the staffs and students.

This honeymoon phase recollected my school memories. As usual, I thought how it will be I get a time traveller machine. I had more awkward thoughts during my honeymoon phase. Before I come to this school, my goal was to complete 50hours of counseling sessions, to record videos of my counseling sessions and 96hours overall including my guidance activities and administration hours. The moment I remembered my school days, the initial goal were just gone.

As a student I have gone through many teachers with irritating character. I always think why don’t they do this and that. Don’t judge me; I’m not being selfish here. I thought the same thing when any other student are getting insulted by those people.

When I get a chance to be a teacher I wanted to be that personality I dreamt to be. So, insisting social responsibility in my students were the only goal. From my opinion, teaching is not about finishing the syllabus and completing the credit hours. Teaching is to teach upcoming generation to be a complete human.

That is why our grandparents used to say that you will be a great human if you are educated. From my experience as a trainee counselor, I taught about many topics to my clients and students. Especially, I tried a lot to break the stigma of shyness to talk about taboo topics.

I encouraged my students and clients to be spiritual. Then, I created awareness about sexual abuse and also sex education. When I was learning about reproduction system, I noticed my teachers are shy answering student’s doubts. Girls in my class often afraid to take out the pad from their backpack. Because they were conscious about the opinion of male students.

It is not taboo topic; it’s the most basic thing of a human. Now what is the relationship between society? These information sharing are not even happening in many houses. Especially, in Asia. When I hits my puberty, I remember, my mother said not to talk to men or any males in class. I have to change my pad within 3 hours for hygienic purposes. I have no idea why I must avoid my male classmates.

Later on I get to know that she wanted me to control my feelings and not to fall in love. So, can you see that feelings are very common. It is based on your hormone. All of us even guys have experienced this when you are a teen. No one say that “in this period of time your body will react in such ways so you’ll feel this”.

Children who are not aware of the changes within them and also don’t have a bond with parents will fall in trap easily. Many teenagers are effected by their relationship. Their videos are getting viral. Teenage pregnancy are getting higher day by day. I’m not a freaking feminist. Girls only are not the victim. Many males have been going through sexual abuse, peer pressure to try sexual intercourse and recording video while having sex for a proof.

Now don’t you thin it is a social issue? Don’t you think as a teacher I’m responsible to spread awareness? I also taught them maths, English, BM, science, and PJ whenever I enter a relief class. I taught them based on the textbook. Somehow I can link the content of the text book with latest social issues to make a change in future.

I saw many students were becoming outspoken. Some were really interested to read newspapers. Many became open-minded and have self-confidence. I started to value myself more for having a safe life.The changes in my students and clients make me to trust the society for the first time. I won’t trust anyone last time. That’s a huge difference. I were not getting paid during my practicum, I had pressure from my supervisors. They kept on supervising all my moves. If I can make it done in such situation, why not teachers?

Thank you

Get to Know How Amazing You are! (knowing your self-worth)

A spirit that helps us to believe that we are capable to be an outstanding person within our peers and society. If you are reading this, you will identify your worth, increase your self- confidence and will work on your self-development which is essential for a successful life. Do everyone have self worth? YES! If you have any positive character then you have self-worth.

Unfortunately, only one or few is not enough at all. Loving yourself is a sign of self-worth. But are you hating others? Do you love appreciation? STOP THESE! These are the sign of insecurity. Explore more about yourself. In this case, I did a SWOT analysis alone. I wrote my strengths, weaknesses, opportunities that I can grab to overcome my weaknesses (first priority), opportunities that I can get to enhance my strengths (second) and possible threats that I will face during all this (ex: getting insulted by friends). This analysis helped me to enhance my self-worth.

If you read my previous post : https://glowinthedarklife.wordpress.com/2019/01/31/how-to-handle-low-self-esteem/

You will know how to use WDEP System to overcome any dissatisfaction on yourself. Remember, if you want to be respected, respect yourself; people who doesn’t have a self-worth are not deserve to get respect from others.

Then, do not listen to others opinion. You might think how will you become better without anyone’s help but trust me. They are not into your shoe. Self-control is the main rule of having self-worth. Know yourself than anyone else. Track your feelings, track your thoughts and behavior. I love compare the version of myself then and now. I don’t compare myself to anyone else. If you do this, you don’t need to listen anyone’s opinion on your personal issues. Keep in mind that YOU is not a business that require everyone’s feedback for better service.

This is the way to discover self-worth. Try it out and get to know how amazing you are.

Thank you

Effective Ways to Talk to a Stranger.

Making new friends is almost everyone’s cup of tea. But, for some it can be very difficult for some reasons. In my case, I love small circles. No matter wherever I go, my squad will only consist of maximum 3 friends. Talking to a stranger always the most deadliest thing I my life till the age of 15 for me. The first thing I did is ignored the fear when I face a stranger. In more appropriate way I would say that I overcame the anxiety in me. ‘oh what if she is rude?’, ‘will he respect my opinion?’ and many mixed opinions and mixed feelings ruined my days. The main step of this process is to change your mindset. I were very arrogant, defensive and aggressive girl when I were a teen. Because, I’ve gone through a lot of irritating characters who will never appreciate anything in myself. So, I were rude within my circumstance. That made me to judge others as well. How a stranger will know my character? Not every stranger will become someone special right? No one has time for it. You might see a lot of them once in your life. So, their behavior is depends on 2 criteria; either who they are or based on what you are projecting. Don’t worry about people who are in the first criteria; they are just passing clouds. I believed in myself and tried to initiate my conversation all the time. Yes! start first! Don’t care about what others think. They might think you are flirting, you are dumb or whatever. Mark my word! your inner strength will fall the people from first criteria to the second one. For instance, I like to sit in the front seat whenever I’m boarding into a grab car. The first word that I say is a ‘Hi bro’. Definitely, many won’t talk a single word after a reply for my greeting. And here comes the next question. ‘Nice car, very tidy. How do you manage to keep your car clean in busy days?’ The driver will thank for it and continues talking whatever he or she feels about it. At this point your grammar and vocabs are not a deal at all. The key is to ask open-ended questions. Imagine the example about the grab driver. Do you think he feels comfortable to talk with me? Now let me share how a conversation with close-ended question will be: ‘ do you clean your car regularly?’ the driver will reply ‘yes’. That’s all from the driver; there will be no communication unless the driver is a talkative person who can give 10 more answers. But, it won’t happen all the time. I hope you have identified how the choice of words differentiate the types of questions. Choice of words are very important because it shows your courtesy. People love to talk with someone who have courtesy. Example, when you are going to a mall to purchase a party dress, and it’s a branded and expensive but you have seen better dress with cheaper price in somewhere else, do not argue with the promoter, ‘I saw at that outlet; was so cheap?’ The promoter only can explain about the quality she can’t give the dress in a cheaper price for you. People who have courtesy will think before they talk. The response from them will be like this: ‘Can I checkout the other outlets as well if you don’t mind and get back to you later?’ Fine that’s all she will definitely forget you after meeting few customers. Courtesy is all about common sense. You must know where and whom to bargain. Apart from all these, have you ever wonder how come some people still remember a stranger they met long time ago? RELATIVITY! Having related topics are always will drive your communication to a different level. A sentence in a reply consist of more than 2 words and more than 2 emotions. The young generation get pissed off whenever elder people talk proudly about their generation. But, instead of reacting respond to them. Ask more questions to know how were their lifestyle. The aunt or uncle who judged you for will be your bestfriend and always try to understand more about you. Finally, I made myself to be easily approachable. My all time favorite technique is maintaining eye contact. Look into people’s eyes but don’t stare. It will show that you are an active listener and enable to be in track. Postures and gestures are very important. If you are living in western countries, crossing your legs while sitting are totally fine. But, Asians are not used to it. I love crossing my legs but only in front of my peers. I won’t sit in such way in front of older people. Briefly, be aware of your non-verbal cues. Even your facial expressions and vocal tones are a part of it. Try to tell ‘excuse me’ in different tones and expressions. I hope you know how it will be projected to others. Last bonus tip is to don’t use phone when you are stepping out of your house. Trust me again! ! ! you will be engaging with society more. Please comment which step is your favorite will see you on my post. Thank you

Ways to save money for hostellers (the basics)

Handling your expenses is not difficult at all if you are a hosteller. You can save money and purchase anything you want with this tricks. Remember, these tips are not everything about saving money. But, the most basic that a beginner student required.

1. Budgeting is the more crucial point.

This is my budget for February. Can you see how I categorized my expenses with the order? I listed from the most important to the least important. This will be very easy when you cut the paper after ‘details’. Because you only have to write the expenses and the total from March.

2. PLAN

Here is why scheduling is very important. Yes you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. But, have a rough plan. Are you planning to buy clothes? Are you planning for a night out with friends? Plan roughly. Give priority for your education and yourself. In this case, I’ll plan my assignment and for myself getting a haircut. When you plan your days then you’ll know what you need and want. So the most needed can be done immediately and your wants can be postponed.

3. Do research before purchasing.

Make sure to buy anything that worth it your money. Don’t run behind brands. Discounts and cheaper price is not the only way to purchase anything. Same goes to branded expensive stuffs. Just because it’s expensive or branded doesn’t mean that has a right quality. I’ll do a complete post on how to do research before buying.

4. Meal prep

Even you are eating at out prep your meal. For me, it’s compulsory to eat eggs or horse beans first and third week of a month for breakfast. For the second week I’ll part my meals for few chunks. Example, breakfast, brunch, lunch, tea time and dinner is skipped. I’ll eat in a small portion. For more: https://glowinthedarklife.wordpress.com/2019/01/19/how-to-eat-without-getting-fat/

5. PREPAID

When I went to hostel for the first time. I changed my number which is unlimited call and data in RM 98 per month. So I thought I can call whoever I want and use data. I also don’t subscribed to wifi at my University because I have unlimited internet data. But, I paid RM 369 for 3 months. I’m not allowed to terminate without paying the contract and also the statement for really confusing. Even some of my friends are saying postpaid is better you can have unlimited calls and internet connection. But, do you really call anyone everyday? Because if you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend we have some prepaid plans where you can add particular number to free call list. For me, I have wifi at my hostel and campus. I don’t call anyone unnecessarily.

6. SAVE !

I’ll separate RM 1 and coins from my purse everyday. I’ll save the money to buy my favorite things. I’ll save RM40 and RM 18+ (coins) per month. So, I’ll use the money to buy new top or sometimes save till few months to purchase items for any important events.

Reminder: next post will be on how to do research before buying. (Cosmetics/accessories and grocery shopping)

Thank you

STUPID Will ‘IGNORE’

Do you think your happiness is fading away because of people around you? Then, you are definitely influenced by negative people. Negative people are someone who is in lack of acceptance. They just can’t accept your flaws. So how you are going to cope with them? Ignore? From my perception ignoring is a bullshit. Trust me when I was 14 years old I’ve struggled a lot with negative people. Ignored them but I didn’t feel good about my decision. At one point, I can sense that I’m losing my self-confidence. I decided to find a better way because I’m way too confident and that’s what makes me unique.

So, if you read my previous post: https://glowinthedarklife.wordpress.com/2019/01/31/how-to-handle-low-self-esteem/?preview=true

I’ve mentioned about 80:20 technique. This is what I’m going to share in detail today. We always heard of ‘BE STRONG’, ‘BE STRONG’ all over the internet. Have you wonder ‘how the hell can I get stronger?’ The answers are here

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Focusing on yourself will give power to yourself. No one is dare enough to say a word if you didn’t allow them. Can you get it? When you are more focused on yourself, you know who you are, what you are going to do and what do you really need. So, no one can influence you.

In more precise way, I can say to change your belief system. You are always the sum of what you are putting into yourself. If you are someone who seems for attention, it might be the toughest task for you. But, do not give up. I’ll feel that most of the girls will struggle for sure. Because, they love compliments. If they dye their hair, or their acnes are gone, if they got brighter complexion, when they changed their accessories, bought new clothes, or new nail polish they always want someone to notice them and compliments them. Now my question is why do you need recognizance from others? The most irritating answer that I can get is ‘because I love, now why you apply makeup?’. See I’m not going out with a thick layer of foundation everyday.

I can seriously differentiate between normal person and an insecured person. If you can’t step away from your house without a pinch of face powder, or can’t take a selfie without a mascara or any cosmetics shows that you have insecurity. You are worrying about people. You are afraid of being neglected.

1 minute trick is the one I’m still doing. 1 minute trick is well known among the Japanese to overcome laziness. But, I used the same trick to start a new habit too. Normally, negative people, will comment about your activities, behavior, your decisions. If nothing works, then they’ll start commenting about your appearance. One behavior of mine that everyone criticize is I’m a short tempered person. I’m a very formal person which makes me unfit into a group of people. People at my age group hate me to the core. So, when I have ridiculous experience with someone I’ll stay calm for a minute. Just 1 Minute! Do not react automatically. When time passes, I found more appropriate way to say ‘NO’.

A lot of teens misunderstood that you should say ‘YES’ for everything to avoid negative people. It’s too dramatic girl; come on don’t be a drama queen. You should be proactive. Before setting a goal, set a value; a life principle to yourself. For me, I’M THE KING OF MY LIFE. I didn’t even mention queen. Because I was surrounded by girls who are mentally weak. Weak girls have insecurity, don’t have courtesy which is more to common sense, don’t have acceptance and have jealousy. These types of people can’t accept what they have, they always want to have whatever doesn’t belongs to them.

Having a value changed my mindset to be more cautious, to think long distance and one more important think is self control. Self control determines wether do you want to get emotional on others opinion or do you feel silly about his or her ignorance about courtesy? Having a long distance thinking is not about having a plan till you die. It’s about decision making skills which doesn’t mess up anything at anytime.

Now go back to the 1 minute technique. Spend a minute to appreciate your bare face. I do this everyday. I love to smile looking at my bare face. My skin is full of flaw. But, it’s belongs to me and I should love it. I’m a person who doesn’t fit into any stereotypical beauty standards. So, everything is hard for me. According to the society, I can’t simply buy an eyeshadow, I can’t have many colors in my wardrobe. In reality I love colors, I love unique styles. I changed the entire belief system. I believe everything suit me it just how I make them work well on me.

On the whole, focusing on myself leads to self management.

Quick list ↩️

1. 80:20

2. Belief system

3. Self control

4. Long distance thinking

5. Value or principle

6. Proactive

7. 1 minute trick

Be a person who cannot be influenced by any but can be inspired to many! Thank you