The Art of Getting What You Want: How to Use Confidence to Achieve Your Goals.

Why do we want what we do? And why we don’t want something that we don’t do? What is going on here ? Why do you breakup with someone you love the most? why there are some people quit their passion? You will get a basic input regarding this in my post today.

Confidence and self-esteem is almost same; where you feel satisfied with yourself when you know your capacity. Knowing your strengths will form a motivation within ourselves.

According to theory of motivation, our needs will lead us to modify our behavior in order to achieve our needs. Here the needs are the goals. As a result we will be satisfied with ourselves.

Now, how do we use confidence to achieve our goal? First and foremost, sharpen your self-awareness. This will help you to know your strengths and weakness. Gradually, find ways overcome your weaknesses.

For example, if your weakness is being too emotional, add meditation and journaling into your daily routine to control your emotions.

Self awareness will not only help us to know our strengths and weaknesses, but it will also form motivation. Having confidence instantly boost your self-awareness and motivation to achieve something.

If you did the first step, the next step will be a peace of cake for you. Belief that your thoughts will happen in reality. Some people will say this as law of attraction. The basic idea of this is constant belief no matter positive beliefs or negative beliefs.

As you know your goal (need) and your strengths that enable you to achieve this, you will be having positive thoughts regarding your goal continuously.

The last step is to be patient with the time. The more you belief yourself and the universe, everything will happen in the right time.

Although these are just 3 steps the process is not short. Till we are unaware of our own capacity and willing to modify our behavior in order to achieve our goal, we will be clueless.

What Has Made a Really Big Change in My Life?

There is a turning point in everyone’s life. Being an independent girl from my childhood doesn’t make me to realise anything. I always think that I am far away better than any other girl. But, one thing made me to realise that just because I’m an independent girl doesn’t mean I know how to value everything.

6th August 2018 was the turning point. I started my practicum journey on 6th August 2018. I’ve placed as a trainee counselor/ practical counseling teacher in a primary school. Being a student was very fun. Despite all the issues among friends it was really amazing.

My experience as a trainee counselor was not as bad as how I expected. I have an assumption from my lecturers opinion that my job is a restless job. But, seriously, I don’t think in such way. Of course, the first week was a honeymoon phase where I’m getting to know the staffs and students.

This honeymoon phase recollected my school memories. As usual, I thought how it will be I get a time traveller machine. I had more awkward thoughts during my honeymoon phase. Before I come to this school, my goal was to complete 50hours of counseling sessions, to record videos of my counseling sessions and 96hours overall including my guidance activities and administration hours. The moment I remembered my school days, the initial goal were just gone.

As a student I have gone through many teachers with irritating character. I always think why don’t they do this and that. Don’t judge me; I’m not being selfish here. I thought the same thing when any other student are getting insulted by those people.

When I get a chance to be a teacher I wanted to be that personality I dreamt to be. So, insisting social responsibility in my students were the only goal. From my opinion, teaching is not about finishing the syllabus and completing the credit hours. Teaching is to teach upcoming generation to be a complete human.

That is why our grandparents used to say that you will be a great human if you are educated. From my experience as a trainee counselor, I taught about many topics to my clients and students. Especially, I tried a lot to break the stigma of shyness to talk about taboo topics.

I encouraged my students and clients to be spiritual. Then, I created awareness about sexual abuse and also sex education. When I was learning about reproduction system, I noticed my teachers are shy answering student’s doubts. Girls in my class often afraid to take out the pad from their backpack. Because they were conscious about the opinion of male students.

It is not taboo topic; it’s the most basic thing of a human. Now what is the relationship between society? These information sharing are not even happening in many houses. Especially, in Asia. When I hits my puberty, I remember, my mother said not to talk to men or any males in class. I have to change my pad within 3 hours for hygienic purposes. I have no idea why I must avoid my male classmates.

Later on I get to know that she wanted me to control my feelings and not to fall in love. So, can you see that feelings are very common. It is based on your hormone. All of us even guys have experienced this when you are a teen. No one say that “in this period of time your body will react in such ways so you’ll feel this”.

Children who are not aware of the changes within them and also don’t have a bond with parents will fall in trap easily. Many teenagers are effected by their relationship. Their videos are getting viral. Teenage pregnancy are getting higher day by day. I’m not a freaking feminist. Girls only are not the victim. Many males have been going through sexual abuse, peer pressure to try sexual intercourse and recording video while having sex for a proof.

Now don’t you thin it is a social issue? Don’t you think as a teacher I’m responsible to spread awareness? I also taught them maths, English, BM, science, and PJ whenever I enter a relief class. I taught them based on the textbook. Somehow I can link the content of the text book with latest social issues to make a change in future.

I saw many students were becoming outspoken. Some were really interested to read newspapers. Many became open-minded and have self-confidence. I started to value myself more for having a safe life.The changes in my students and clients make me to trust the society for the first time. I won’t trust anyone last time. That’s a huge difference. I were not getting paid during my practicum, I had pressure from my supervisors. They kept on supervising all my moves. If I can make it done in such situation, why not teachers?

Thank you

Get to Know How Amazing You are! (knowing your self-worth)

A spirit that helps us to believe that we are capable to be an outstanding person within our peers and society. If you are reading this, you will identify your worth, increase your self- confidence and will work on your self-development which is essential for a successful life. Do everyone have self worth? YES! If you have any positive character then you have self-worth.

Unfortunately, only one or few is not enough at all. Loving yourself is a sign of self-worth. But are you hating others? Do you love appreciation? STOP THESE! These are the sign of insecurity. Explore more about yourself. In this case, I did a SWOT analysis alone. I wrote my strengths, weaknesses, opportunities that I can grab to overcome my weaknesses (first priority), opportunities that I can get to enhance my strengths (second) and possible threats that I will face during all this (ex: getting insulted by friends). This analysis helped me to enhance my self-worth.

If you read my previous post : https://glowinthedarklife.wordpress.com/2019/01/31/how-to-handle-low-self-esteem/

You will know how to use WDEP System to overcome any dissatisfaction on yourself. Remember, if you want to be respected, respect yourself; people who doesn’t have a self-worth are not deserve to get respect from others.

Then, do not listen to others opinion. You might think how will you become better without anyone’s help but trust me. They are not into your shoe. Self-control is the main rule of having self-worth. Know yourself than anyone else. Track your feelings, track your thoughts and behavior. I love compare the version of myself then and now. I don’t compare myself to anyone else. If you do this, you don’t need to listen anyone’s opinion on your personal issues. Keep in mind that YOU is not a business that require everyone’s feedback for better service.

This is the way to discover self-worth. Try it out and get to know how amazing you are.

Thank you

Effective Ways to Talk to a Stranger.

Making new friends is almost everyone’s cup of tea. But, for some it can be very difficult for some reasons. In my case, I love small circles. No matter wherever I go, my squad will only consist of maximum 3 friends. Talking to a stranger always the most deadliest thing I my life till the age of 15 for me. The first thing I did is ignored the fear when I face a stranger. In more appropriate way I would say that I overcame the anxiety in me. ‘oh what if she is rude?’, ‘will he respect my opinion?’ and many mixed opinions and mixed feelings ruined my days. The main step of this process is to change your mindset. I were very arrogant, defensive and aggressive girl when I were a teen. Because, I’ve gone through a lot of irritating characters who will never appreciate anything in myself. So, I were rude within my circumstance. That made me to judge others as well. How a stranger will know my character? Not every stranger will become someone special right? No one has time for it. You might see a lot of them once in your life. So, their behavior is depends on 2 criteria; either who they are or based on what you are projecting. Don’t worry about people who are in the first criteria; they are just passing clouds. I believed in myself and tried to initiate my conversation all the time. Yes! start first! Don’t care about what others think. They might think you are flirting, you are dumb or whatever. Mark my word! your inner strength will fall the people from first criteria to the second one. For instance, I like to sit in the front seat whenever I’m boarding into a grab car. The first word that I say is a ‘Hi bro’. Definitely, many won’t talk a single word after a reply for my greeting. And here comes the next question. ‘Nice car, very tidy. How do you manage to keep your car clean in busy days?’ The driver will thank for it and continues talking whatever he or she feels about it. At this point your grammar and vocabs are not a deal at all. The key is to ask open-ended questions. Imagine the example about the grab driver. Do you think he feels comfortable to talk with me? Now let me share how a conversation with close-ended question will be: ‘ do you clean your car regularly?’ the driver will reply ‘yes’. That’s all from the driver; there will be no communication unless the driver is a talkative person who can give 10 more answers. But, it won’t happen all the time. I hope you have identified how the choice of words differentiate the types of questions. Choice of words are very important because it shows your courtesy. People love to talk with someone who have courtesy. Example, when you are going to a mall to purchase a party dress, and it’s a branded and expensive but you have seen better dress with cheaper price in somewhere else, do not argue with the promoter, ‘I saw at that outlet; was so cheap?’ The promoter only can explain about the quality she can’t give the dress in a cheaper price for you. People who have courtesy will think before they talk. The response from them will be like this: ‘Can I checkout the other outlets as well if you don’t mind and get back to you later?’ Fine that’s all she will definitely forget you after meeting few customers. Courtesy is all about common sense. You must know where and whom to bargain. Apart from all these, have you ever wonder how come some people still remember a stranger they met long time ago? RELATIVITY! Having related topics are always will drive your communication to a different level. A sentence in a reply consist of more than 2 words and more than 2 emotions. The young generation get pissed off whenever elder people talk proudly about their generation. But, instead of reacting respond to them. Ask more questions to know how were their lifestyle. The aunt or uncle who judged you for will be your bestfriend and always try to understand more about you. Finally, I made myself to be easily approachable. My all time favorite technique is maintaining eye contact. Look into people’s eyes but don’t stare. It will show that you are an active listener and enable to be in track. Postures and gestures are very important. If you are living in western countries, crossing your legs while sitting are totally fine. But, Asians are not used to it. I love crossing my legs but only in front of my peers. I won’t sit in such way in front of older people. Briefly, be aware of your non-verbal cues. Even your facial expressions and vocal tones are a part of it. Try to tell ‘excuse me’ in different tones and expressions. I hope you know how it will be projected to others. Last bonus tip is to don’t use phone when you are stepping out of your house. Trust me again! ! ! you will be engaging with society more. Please comment which step is your favorite will see you on my post. Thank you